On a Valentine's Day
by Kuramastrass
Summary: He was alone, never needed anyone. The only person who mattered was himself, because no one else cared. Then he met Kurama, and his entire life changed for the better. For the first time, he felt loved. And then it all ended... on a Valentine's Day.


**So... this is a one-shot. Yeah. And it's Kura-Hi. Sorry, everyone, it's late, I've been staring at this computer screen for over... what? Three hours? Yeah, it's almost four hours now.**

**I don't own YuYu Hakusho. Would I be writing fanfiction otherwise? Seriously, people.**

**I really do like this... As it turns out, I really do think that the pairing Kurama-Hiei is cute. They're so adorable. I know they're totally not gay, though, and that this is totally just me indulging my fangirlly side for once.**

**I'm really sorry for any mistakes or anything. Again, tired.**

**The song, for anyone who doesn't know, is "Valentine's Day" by Linkin Park. Gotta love LP.**

**And I know I should really be putting this up in February, for, like, Valentine's Day, but I thought, why not? I can easily access right now, so why not put up everything I'm pretty happy with? I miss having a really long list of stories...**

**So... I'm going to shut up now. I hope you enjoy "On a Valentine's Day". And, you gotta admit, this is a lot better than the other Valentine's Day fic. I wrote.**

Dead. Kurama was dead.

Hiei couldn't accept that. He _refused_ to accept that. He would _not_ accept the fact that Kurama, the only person he cared for more than Yukina, was dead.

He _couldn't_ be dead. Not _Kurama_. His lover, his only friend, _couldn't_ be dead.

But he couldn't argue with the reality. The cold, hard, unliving proof was there in front of him.

Hiei couldn't argue with a corpse.

He cursed to himself mentally. This was _his_ fault. He had known Kurama was in danger, and he had come as soon as he could... But he had known even before he had gotten here that he hadn't been fast enough.

The corpse – Kurama's body – was laid out on the ground in this forsaken clearing. It wasn't natural; the killer must have laid it down there like that. Like it was in a casket.

And here Kurama, controller of plants, had died, where not even a weed would grow.

If they had not been separated, if they had stayed together, this would not have happened. Either Kurama would still be alive, or they would _both _be dead now.

But what really made Hiei mad was that he knew he could never have revenge. He had been too slow to see who the murdering bastard was. And he doubted whoever it was would be bragging about it, for fear of death. Even in his human form, Kurama was well-known and feared.

For a while, he just stared at the body of the redhead, thinking that maybe, if he stared long enough and hard enough, he could will Kurama back to life.

But reality finally caught up with Hiei. Dead. Kurama, his lover, his only friend, was dead. Nothing he could do would change that.

He wasn't sure what to do. He could bring Kurama back to Human World, but why _should_ he? He felt no love for the human woman Shiori, who Kurama called mother; why should he bring her closure? He would tell the Detective to come up with some catastrophe, which had turned her son's body unrecognizable...

He had shared him with her in life; must they share him in death, as well?

He could give him a proper burial, but burials and funerals were _human_ ceremonies. They had no right to be here, in the realm of demons. And Kurama had been trying to go _back_ on his humanity... he could _almost_ live without the human woman Shiori, but he had grown so blasted attached...

No. He would not give him a burial.

He thought about simply leaving him here, but he couldn't stand the thought of other creatures using his body as food. He could stay here, to protect him from them... but how long could he defend a corpse, how long would he be able to stand the sight of his lover decaying?

Hiei's final choice was cremation. It was a fitting end for the redhead, he thought. Humans held cremations. Many demons did, too – so it was a custom belonging to both cultures. Though he had died in this forsaken place, away from any plant life, for his final death he would burn like one of his precious plants.

And he, Hiei the Jaganshi, the forbidden child, would perform the ceremony.

_My insides all turn to ash..._

It didn't take long for Hiei to prepare himself. He had already made his decision. But still, he hesitated, phantom screams ringing in his ears. He feared causing Kurama pain.

But he was dead.

With that painful thought in mind, he set what was left of Kurama on fire.

_So slow..._

He wanted to turn away. But he couldn't. Hiei watched every single painful moment.

As he stood there, watching Kurama burn, it felt as though he, too, was burning. He was turning to ashes along with Kurama. Which he may as well have been.

How could his life be worth living if Kurama wasn't it in?

_And blew away as I collapsed..._

Finally the fire died down, as there was nothing left for it to burn. A light breeze came out of nowhere, and a few of the ashes danced and scattered in the wind.

And Hiei collapsed from grief.

_So cold..._

Hiei had never felt cold before. Cold was unfamiliar to him. But he felt cold now. It was almost as if he was dead, too.

He laid on the ground, staring up at the sky, thinking and feeling nothing at all.

Feeling nothing but cold.

_A black wind took them away... from sight..._

After a few hours, it grew dark. Huge, black clouds, storm clouds, covered the sky. With them, they brought a stronger, colder wind that chilled Hiei even more.

The stronger wind blew on the ashes, scattered all of them. And the pile grew smaller and smaller until there were none left.

_And now the darkness over day..._

_That night..._

With the ashes gone, Hiei found himself feeling even more empty. There was nothing to look at with the ashes gone. The clearing was totally empty without them. And with them gone, the full extent of his loss hit him.

He would never see Kurama again.

He wanted to stay there in the clearing, until he wasted away. He wanted to stay there until his own ashes blew away in the wind.

But Yukina would be worried if he didn't come home. Even worse, she might go looking for him and get herself hurt... or killed.

He got up and stood silently for a moment. Then he turned and ran back to where he and Kurama stayed with Yukina.

- -

Hiei was back home in a matter of minutes, but it felt like hours.

"Hello, Hiei," Yukina said brightly when he walked in. She had – finally – stopped referring to him as "Mr. Hiei" and now called him "Hiei" like everyone else. When he shut the door behind him, a confused look appeared on her face and she asked, "Where's Kurama?"

He didn't answer her. Silently, he walked upstairs.

"Oh, Hiei," he heard her murmur as she understood. "I'm so sorry..."

He didn't pause on his way up the stairs. But he did wonder, did she really understand?

_And the clouds above move closer... looking so dissatisfied..._

Up in his room, the room he and Kurama shared, he finally felt totally alone. The room was so empty without the presence of the redhead.

Hiei went to the window and pulled the two shutters open. First he stared out at the empty, barren landscape and then up at the sky.

_But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing..._

They were the same clouds. Hiei was sure of that. They were the same unreal shade of blackish-grey.

They moved toward him, creeping slowly in his direction. And with them, they brought the same cold wind. Through the open window, it blew against Hiei's skin again.

_I used to be my own protection..._

He wondered how he had been reduced to this, feeling that live was no longer worth living just because someone else was dead. He wouldn't feel this way if the idiot died, Kuwabara... he wouldn't feel this way if the Detective died, either. He doubted he would feel this way even if Yukina died.

He had never been so dependent on another person. He used to be able to take care of himself.

_But not now..._

But now...

_'Cause my path has lost direction..._

He had become so close to Kurama, so attached. He couldn't imagine life without him. He couldn't go on without him. His life was meaningless now.

_Somehow..._

What was it about the redhead? Hiei didn't know. He didn't understand how he could have become as attached as he had.

But somehow, whatever the reason, he had.

_A black wind took you away... from sight..._

This wind was the same wind that had scattered Kurama's ashes. Hiei thought he could see some of the ashes blowing around in the air, but that must have been only his mind playing tricks on him.

_And now the darkness over day..._

_That night..._

It was the same clouds. It was the same wind. Why were they following him?

_And the clouds above move closer... looking so dissatisfied..._

They still moved toward him. It seemed almost like they were displeased with him. He hadn't satisfied them.

But what else could he have done? He had done what he thought was best.

_And the ground below grew colder..._

_As they put you down inside..._

The desolate earth here was cold enough without Kurama's lifeless body. And he had reasoned this through. Cremation was the best way.

_But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing..._

The wind kept blowing thought the open window. And eventually, Hiei closed the window, cold and numb.

He laid down on the bed, the bed they shared.

_So now you're gone..._

The bed was so empty without him, like the room. But here, it was easier to believe this wasn't true. Even though the proof was all around him, it seemed like at any second Kurama would walk through the door.

_And I was wrong..._

_I never knew what it was like..._

Hiei had been alone for most of his life. He was the forbidden child; he had been dropped from the place of his birth and left to die. His bandit comrades, those who had sheltered him and taught him how to survive, had grown tired of his killing and shunned him.

_To be alone..._

But that was nothing compared to now.

Then, he had never thought there was anyone but himself to look out for. He had been his only priority. It didn't matter that he was alone, because he didn't need anyone else.

But now... he needed Kurama. More than air, more than water, more than food... he needed Kurama.

And he was gone.

Hiei rolled over onto his side, and he saw the human calendar Kurama kept. He had never understood why he kept it; this was the demon world. Why bother to keep track of human days here? But he knew he used it to keep track of the days he should visit his mother.

But that wasn't important at the moment.

Kurama had yet to cross off the previous day.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

Today was Valentine's Day.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

Strange that a stupid human holiday could make a lump form in Hiei's throat.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

About a month ago, Kuama had explained the significance, why he had circled the day in red.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

It was the day for lovers.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

"_I don't celebrate human holidays."_

_"Oh, I know that," Kurama had replied. But his eyes, his glittering green eyes, had sparkled with excitement. "But you don't need to think of it as a human holiday – it's merely the day for lovers."_

_Hiei had sighed, but he didn't argue. He could tell that the holiday meant a lot to the redhead._

_I used to be my own protection..._

It was the day for lovers, yet here he was, in bed alone. A few years ago, he had never even slept in a a bed. A few years ago, he would have felt no desire to.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

But now...

_But not now..._

Now, how desperately he longed for the bed to be filled.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

Here he was, on the day for lovers, totally alone.

_'Cause my mind has lost direction..._

Hiei knew he had to do something, but what? What could he do, now that Kurama was dead?

_On a Valentine's Day..._

He knew the answer. Nothing.

_Somehow..._

How had this happened? He wondered that again. How had this ever happened? How could he have becomed so attached, so dependent?

How could Kurama be dead?

_On a Valentine's Day..._

Hiei felt the urge to do something – anything – again, but this time he didn't simply ignore it.

_I used to be my own protection..._

But there was nothing he could do. There was no was to fill the emptiness in his life.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

Unless...

_But not now..._

There was no way to fill the emptiness left by Kurama's passing, but he could end his own life.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

He smirked. He liked this plan. He got out of the bed and left, heading back the the clearing.

_'Cause my mind has lost direction..._

He had thought there was nothing else to do with his life, now that Kurama was dead. But now he had a purpose again.

- -

How ironic, he thought as he arrived in the clearing, they would both die here, by flame, on the same day.

On Valentine's Day. On the day for lovers.

_On a Valentine's Day..._

Hiei took one last look around the clearing. It was totally empty, but in his mind he saw the body of the redhead still lying there.

He blinked, and it was gone.

He turned his gaze up to the sky. It was getting dark now. And the clouds from earlier, the clouds that had been following him before, were drifting away now. He could see them fading back into the horizon.

Something else caught his eye; something small and black drifted in front of his face.

Ashes blowing in the wind.

And that was all Hiei needed. Now he was done with his life.

He set himself on fire.

It was a strange sensation – he had never been burned. Nothing was warm to him. Even now, he did not feel the heat of the flames. But he could feel his skin burning, warping, melting.

He had had no purpose when the redhead had died, but he had found it again in the thought of joining him in death.

He thought briefly of Yukina, of what it would do to her when he didn't come home. He felt guilty. But there was nothing he could do about it now.

And Hiei would never pick her over Kurama. He couldn't. He would cause his delicate sister pain if it meant being with Kurama.

The flames grew more painful as time passed, though he still did not feel the heat. He was right to have hesitated, afraid of causing Kurama pain – Hiei could only imagine how much worse this would have been for him, as he could feel the heat from the flames.

But he didn't have to imagine or feel pain for much longer.

Dead. Kurama was dead. And Hiei was dead now, too.

_Somehow..._

In the demon world, a light breeze picked up, scattering a pile of ashes.

- Kuramastrass -


End file.
